The longest hour in your life comes when you become stuck in a nauseating non-airconditioned bus, on the edge of your sanity, on the verge of pissing and pooping, and on the thin line drawn between wishing to just die there and then, and actually dying.
Yesterday, I was on the bus for a 5-hour trip from Alaminos, Pangasinan to Manila
I thought I’d have control over it. Like an innocent stranger in some torture chamber, I mustered all my strength to endure this fucked-up state for another 30 minutes. I crouched forward and leaned my head on the seat in front , tucked my stomach in, closed my eyes, pretended to be asleep, and cursed under my breath… P.I.!!!
I was actually considering the fact of just dropping off somewhere and finding some “place of comfort”. But when I turned my head to face the window, all I could see is green! Shit! There is no way I’m gonna drop shit in these wastelands!
I returned to my crouched state and the next time I opened my eyes, SIBILISASYON! Mangataren, Pangasinan. I told Kuya to pull over and clearly without hesitation, I told him, “Najejebs na po ako eh!”… He got to the compartment and lowered my backpack. I left it beside some unknowing candy vendor and asked him where I could poop. God was truly hearing me out. There I saw public restrooms painted green and found myself sighing with relief.
Tissues! I needed tissues! And whadyaknow, toiletry products were sold outside the restroom. I grabbed a handful of neatly folded ones when Ate blurted out, “Miss, piso isa nyan!” I was thinking at that moment, “Ate, even if you sell those for a hundred apiece, I’d still buy BECAUSE I BADLY NEED THEM!”
I finally let it all out with ever shaking knees and friggin’ relief. I got out and paid for the tissues and the additional fee for pooping and splashed on some alcohol. I went back to the candy vendor to find out that my bag wasn’t with him anymore!
And then I saw the bus… My bus… And I saw my bag!
Kuya, I love you na! You’ve waited for some lady to finish pooping. What a heroic act!
First thing I need to do when I get back to manila is to have a monument built after you…
P.S. When the bus pulled over for a stop at Tarlac, I hurriedly got out and searched for a store to buy some Loperamide and a bottle of Gatorade. And then when I was about to pay… 97 pesos?! For a teeny weeny capsule and some Gatorade?! Fuck! But I’m left with no choice other than paying for the stuff and cursing the store owner under my breath…
ABUSO NA!
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